chez_jae

May Day Murder by Jennifer David Hesse

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



I finished reading May Day Murder by Jennifer David Hesse last night. This is the fifth installment in the "Wiccan Wheel" series of paranormal cozies. The main character is solo practitioner Keli Milanni.

Keli has left the prestigious law firm she worked for to venture out on her own. As a solo witch she's used to doing things alone. Although she's busy trying to attract new clients, Keli takes the time to give a ride to Erik, a friend of a friend. She learns he's a Druid who blames his recent string of bad luck on a curse placed on him by his ex-girlfriend, Denise. When Erik asks if Keli will drive him to Denise's house so he can repay her some money he owes, Keli reluctantly agrees. Unfortunately, they stumble upon Denise's dead body. Local police soon identify Keli as a person of interest, refusing to believe her claims that she'd just met Erik and never met Denise. Having her name attached to the murder has a negative impact on Keli's fledging law practice; therefore she takes it upon herself to do some investigating of her own. Soon she's the one suffering from a run of bad luck leaving Keli to wonder if she's also been cursed. One of her practicing friends advises her to fight fire with fire, and Keli is getting desperate enough to try it.

I was so engrossed in this story that I literally dreamed about it one night as I mulled it over in my subconscious. LOL! I will say this, it was incredibly foolish of Keli to blithely drive Erik all over town and then enter a home with him. That's how women get murdered, Keli. Her BFF, Farrah, was no better as she took up with a bad boy and went MIA. There were two main plot points that seemed to be connected (Denise's murder and the sabotaging of Keli's business), but it turns out they were not. While the murder was solved, the other situation was not resolved. Can I say I suspect Keli's former co-worker, Crenshaw? Ha ha! He doesn't seem the type, but I think he fancies Keli and is miffed that she left the established law firm where they both worked.

Favorite line: No one could possibly have called me a meddling kid at that point.

A gripping, well-written mystery. Five stars.

Last Wolf Standing by Rhyannon Byrd

My rating: 2 of 5 stars



Yesterday, I finished reading the book I'd taken to the office. It was a Silhouette Nocturne, called Last Wolf Standing, by Rhyannon Byrd. It's the first in the "Bloodrunners" series within the line. The main characters are Mason Dillinger, a half-werewolf, and Torrance Watson, a human woman.

As a member of the Bloodrunners, it's Mason's job to hunt down and eliminate rogue werewolves. He has no time for love, but when a chance encounter with Torrance rocks his world, Mason finds himself unable to just let her leave. Unfortunately, the rogue he's tracking notices his regard for the human woman, making Torrance a target. Now Mason feels compelled to take Torrance under his wing to protect her, all while maintaining the focus he needs for the hunt.

Torrance has always had an irrational fear of monsters, and when she learns they're real, her entire world view shifts. She is both frightened by and drawn to Mason even as he attempts to keep her at arm's length. Will Torrance be able to break through the icy walls around her wolf's heart?

Incidentally, my "blurb" above is nothing like the blurb on the back of the book. Did the creator of the book blurb actually read the book? Le sigh.

Okay. If I were to sum up this story in one line, it would be A horrifying homage to misogyny, Stockholm Syndrome, and blithering idiocy.

To begin with, when Mason first saw Torrance, it was in a coffee shop. He hadn't ordered yet, and she was about to leave with her order. Heaven forbid she just walk out of his life (never mind the fact that she'd only been in it for a moment); therefore, he tripped her. He tripped her. Silly me, I didn't realize that our male lead was an 8 year-old boy. I guess this is what passed for a 'meet-cute' in 2008. Honestly, I would have thought this book was written in the 1980's, considering how domineering he was and how quailing she was. I wish I could go back in time and kick my own ass for reading (worse, enjoying) such books when I was a teen. Moving on. After this physical abuse (don't you dare call it anything else), Mason is coming across as too intense, and Torrance smartly dips out.

Skip ahead to where the rogue breaks into Torrance's apartment, physically abuses her, sexually abuses her, and threatens to rape and murder her. Cue Mason and his partner arriving on the scene to chase off the interloper, whereupon our blithering idiot of a female lead wilts into Mason's arms. She now knows he's a monster (you know, the thing she has a pathological fear of?), she's just been assaulted by another monster, yet she feels safe and protected in his arms? Really? I think most people would have been in the midst of a screaming panic attack by then. Torrance dips out once more, but of course Mason tracks her down again (stalkerish much?), which is when he convinces not only her but her BFF that he and only he can protect Torrance, but she has to go with him. Wow. With friends like Michaela, Torrance didn't need any enemies, did she? "Yeah, sure, go off with that hunka-hunka gorgeous man who's brought shocking violence into your life. What's the worst that could happen?"

They finally reach Mason's cabin (after more drama and violence), which is when Mason insists that he can't protect Torrance unless she shares his bed. And...she fell for that. I just cannot with how spineless and stupid this woman was. Sexual activity ensued, although no actual intercourse, after which our blithering idiot realized that she was falling for Mason. After two days. Because she was drawn to him. Since he was so attractive. What if he'd been homely? Moving on.

Mason, of course, knows that Torrance is his mate, but he has no intention of falling in love with her, because, ew. More like, 'I cannot love someone, for it will make me weak.' Good ol' Mason channels his inner Meatloaf and tells her, "I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you." At least he was honest with her. Torrance finally starts to develop a tiny spine and declares that she can't settle for a man who won't love her, which angers Mason, because why must she make things so complicated? No joke, "complicated" is the word he used. Often.

Let's not forget the 'spring a meeting with my parents on my mate surprise' that Mason subjected Torrance to. Why she had not yet run screaming into the wilderness is beyond me. Finally, there was the finale. I called it about one-third of the way through the book. 'Bad guy will kidnap the female lead, and the hero will have to come save her in some overwrought fight to the death, after which he will FINALLY declare his undying love for her.' While writing this, the author must have channeled her inner Kathleeen E Woodiwiss. I loved her books! When I was young and dumb. I should have read this one when I was young and dumb; I might have enjoyed it then. I was so relieved when this was over. I stuck with it, because I ain't no quitter. That, and it was the only thing I had at work to read on my lunch breaks.

Favorite lines:
♦ "What happened? You look like you just came from an orgy with one of the undead."
Doesn't orgy imply there must have been more than one?
♦ Then she looked their way, and a sharp cry fell from her lips as she started running toward them. Mason opened his arms, ready to catch her, when she sailed right past him, falling to her knees beside a grinning Jeremy. "Ohmygod," she gasped, her small hands fluttering in front of her as if she didn't know where to touch him without hurting him. "Are you okay?"
Hah! BEST damned line of the book, if you ask me.
♦ "Fear is sometimes healthy, and sometimes it's just an excuse to keep us back from the things we want most in life."

You know what the worst part about this book was? Torrance apologized to Mason for the fact that she hurt his feelers when she said she wanted a life partner who could love her. It was like, 'Oh, ha ha, what was I thinking? It was naive of me to have this ideal in mind. I should just love you the way you are, even if you can never return my feelings, thus leaving me to spend my entire fucking life heartbroken and unfulfilled so you can cling to your own ideal of being a tough he-man who don't need no love.' I need some brain bleach after reading this.

I'm giving the book two stars. It gets more than one because the writing itself was good, even though the content was beyond awful. If you like your male leads to be domineering, cold-hearted bullies and your female leads to be simpering little airheads, give it a read!

Marked by Moonlight by Sharie Kohler

My rating: 2 of 5 stars



At work yesterday, I finally managed to slog through the rest of Marked by Moonlight by Sharie Kohler. It's a paranormal romance, featuring newly-turned lycan Claire Morgan, and lycan hunter Gideon March.

After she's bitten by a stray dog, Claire is accosted by an intimidating stranger who claims the dog was actually a lycan--a werewolf. Claire thinks the man is crazy, and she really becomes alarmed when he begins following her around, telling her that she's changed and that on the next full moon, she will become a thing of nightmares and go on a killing rampage. Claire can't deny that she is changing. Her eyes are now silvery, she's grown bold and assertive, and her libido has sat up and taken notice.

Gideon knows he should have killed Claire that first night. After all, that's what hunters do. They cannot afford pity, remorse, compassion, or (god forbid) attraction for their targets. Claire, however, is making him break all the rules in a desperate bid to save her. If the Alpha of the lycan who bit her is killed before Claire changes for the first time and makes her first kill, she can be saved. It would help if Claire believed what he was telling her.

I used to enjoy paranormal romances far more than I do now. I also used to like those aggressive, he-man male leads. This story just made me want to punch Gideon in the face. Repeatedly. He literally begins stalking Claire, breaking into her apartment, kidnapping her, and (of course) using his big, manly body to cage, pin, and/or intimidate her at various points. This is what passes for romance?! Be still my heart. *gags*

( SPOILERS: Other things that bothered me )

Favorite line: It was something he felt, something he could not control. Like the beating of his heart.
I had to work to find something that I could quote here...

On its surface, the story was interesting and the writing was good, but Gideon was an asshole, and Claire was too stupid to just up and call the cops on him, basically because she found him attractive. And, this is how women get murdered. Sex scenes were hot, if you can get past the fighting-as-foreplay aspect. Twu wuv in one month was a bit difficult to swallow, too. Also odd was the complete turnaround in attitude that Claire's father exhibited.

Two stars for this dreck.

Raintree: Inferno by Linda Howard

My rating: 1 of 5 stars



At work today, I finished the book I'd taken in to read on breaks. It was Raintree: Inferno by Linda Howard. The book is part of Silhouette's "Nocturne" line, and I believe it's the first installment in the "Raintree" trilogy, written by 3 separate authors. Beyond this, I have nothing good to say about it.

We have Dante Raintree, young scion of a family of gifted individuals. He owns and operates a casino, and he's become angry that lovely Lorna Clay keeps winning at his casino. He's convinced she's cheating, but he has no proof. In an effort to find out what's going on, Dante has his head of security bring Lorna to his office.

Lorna has always been good with numbers, and she uses the talent sparingly. She wins just enough to keep herself solvent, then moves on to another casino. Once in Dante Raintree's office, she is terrified at the currents of dangerous energy she can feel. The terror becomes all too real when the casino catches on fire, and Lorna must descend from the 19th floor with an angry man who won't let her out of his sight.

Things utterly fell to hell at this point.

Dante refuses to allow Lorna to escape with the others. As he directs everyone else to safety, he muscles her into the heart of the casino, and the fire, with him. Since fire is an element that Dante can control, he intends to quell the flames, then resume his interrogation of Lorna. The fire, however, refuses to bend to his will, and Dante ends up tapping Lorna's own, innate pool of power for the energy he needs. It's an act that leaves her in blinding pain and confusion.

Once they escape the building, Dante uses mind control (I shit you not) to command Lorna not to leave. She slowly regains her wits, and when she discovers what he's done, she is furious. Dante speaks to the police and firefighters, then hauls Lorna into his car and takes her to his home, where he continues to control her like a marionette. Convinced she may be one of the Ansara (another group of talented people, who are at war with the Raintree group), Dante orders Lorna to strip. When she refuses, he literally tears her clothing off, in search of a birthmark that will indicate she's Ansara. Of course, he doesn't find one. Lorna is left terrified, furious, and sobbing.

Dante leaves her alone for the rest of the night, but he won't let her leave.

The following day, he leaves the house, but orders her (still using mind control, here) to stay at his house. Once alone in the house, it apparently never occurred to Lorna to GET ON A GODDAMNED PHONE AND CALL THE POLICE. The author alluded to her having no love for the police, but to that extent? Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but if I was essentially being held hostage in someone's house, but still had free rein of said house, I would trash the shit out of it! There wouldn't be one piece of glass left unbroken. What did Lorna do? She switched his sugar and salt, and poured salt on his bed.

That night, when Lorna has gone to bed, Dante comes in and gets in bed with her, since his bed had salt in it. Um, are there not several other guest rooms? Yes, but sleeping with her was a power play. Did she attempt to leave? No, because she trusted him not to try anything. OMG, CAN YOU SAY STOCKHOLM SYNDROME?!

48 hours into this hot mess, she is wanting to have sex with him, and he wants her to have his babies. I am surprised I refrained from throwing this book against a wall. When they are on the verge of bumping uglies, then and only then does Lorna insist that Dante stop with the mind control. He wants the nookie enough to agree, but he's all surly about it. Like, wtf? Do you want a partner, or a puppet?

Going back to the beginning, because I can't let it go, Dante was pissed that this woman was winning about 5k here and there from him. He makes millions, and he begrudges her a few thousand?! Yet, this was his sole reason for dragging her INTO the fire; because he had yet to figure out how she was cheating him. Was it worth almost getting her killed?

Finally, to add insult to injury, the stupid effing book ended on a cliffhanger!

Favorite line (and I had to work to find one): Warning! McMuffin ahead!

I don't think I have the words to describe my loathing for this book. Classic abusive relationship, coupled with an insipid female lead with a clear-cut case of Stockholm Syndrome, twu wuv in two days, and I am wanting to gag all over again just thinking about it. There was nothing redeeming about this shit-show of a book.

One star, given with the utmost reluctance.