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Yellow as Legal Pads by Fran Stewart

My rating: 1 of 5 stars



During my lunch break today I completed the book Yellow as Legal Pads by Fran Stewart. It's the second book in the "Biscuit McKee" mystery series, although it's the first one I've read. It will also be the last.

Martinsville librarian Bisque "Biscuit" McKee is enjoying her honeymoon when the celebration is abruptly cut short by murder. A man has been poisoned, and when Biscuit's new husband, Bob, tries to help the victim, he absorbs a dangerous amount of the toxin, as well. Now, instead of celebrating her recent nuptials, Biscuit is left to keep vigil in the hospital.

If you remember Blaine and Antoine from In Living Color, I hope you can hear their voices saying, "Hated it!", because that's how I feel about this book. How do I hate thee, book? Let me count the ways:

1. A grown-ass woman going by the name 'Biscuit' because her idiot, potter mother named her and her sister Bisque and Glaze. Frankly, when I picked up this book, I thought Biscuit was the cat. Silly me. I don't know why I would have presumed the ginger cat, featured prominently on the cover, might be the titular character of "Biscuit".
2. This may have been classified as a mystery, but Biscuit did not do any sleuthing, investigating, nor questioning. She simply kept vigil in the hospital, which is a realistic reaction to your new husband almost being murdered, but was not entertaining for the reader.
3. TOO MANY POINTS OF VIEW! Biscuit was in first person pov, but every other pov was third.
4. Not only did the book 'open at the close', but it skipped around, time-wise.
5. A huge chunk of the story had nothing to do with Biscuit nor the murder, but rather took the reader back in time to set up why the murder took place.
6. The narrative was utterly disjointed and confusing.
7. If Bob was an unfortunate victim, why then did the murderer try to kill Biscuit towards the end? She was distraught. She wasn't busily piecing together clues and coming closer and closer to figuring out who done what and why.
8. The cat, whose name was "Marmalade", by the way, had nothing to do with the investigation either. She was sentient and had her own names for the main characters in her life (which was another whole level of confusing, but let's not go there), and she seemed to be able to pick up on Biscuit's thoughts and emotions even though they were separated by distance.

Favorite line: Shuffling things around, she piled a couple of pairs of rubber gloves on top of the popcorn box, shifted the canola oil over to the side of the cabinet, wondering as she did so what the hell a canola was.

In short, this book was a hot, confusing mess. Did not like; would not recommend. Too bad for me that I bought two books in this series. I "Hated it!" so much that both of them are going in the donation bag. I regret wasting my time reading this one, and I refuse to waste any more of my precious time reading the other one.

One star, reluctantly given, but it's the lowest I can go.

The Gallery of the Dead by Mary Bowers

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



Last night, I finished reading The Gallery of the Dead, which is the third book in Mary Bowers' "Tropical Breeze" mystery series. I'd like to say it features Taylor Verone, who runs the local animal shelter, but this book did not. Hm.

Unlike the previous two books in the series, which were written in first person pov (in Taylor's pov), this book "opened at the close" (which I hate) and was told in a series of journal entries by Edson Darby-Deaver (whom we met in book 2) and via interviews with Terry Force (whom we also met in the previous book).

Following their adventures at Cadbury House, Edson has reluctantly joined forces with Teddy for a new paranormal reality show, in which Teddy will investigate alleged hauntings, while Ed, the skeptic, will search for a more pragmatic explanation of things. Their first show is to be filmed at The Royal Palm in Tropical Breeze, site of a tragic suicide exactly 100 years ago. Ed feels out of his depth. Teddy overwhelms him, and the other members of the crew are equally mystifying, including Carmilla, the vamp, and Porter, the obnoxious bulldog. However, Ed has signed a contract, and he intends to see this farce through. Adding to his list of concerns is the fact that Teddy has revealed a psychotic stalker is after him. When the woman manages to get a job at The Royal Palm and lunge at Teddy with a knife, it's Misty, the owner of the Palm, who ends up falling over the gallery railing to her death, much like the century-old suicide.

Now, the focus isn't on ghosts so much as it is finding a killer before she can strike again. Ed relies on his contacts in Tropical Breeze, including Taylor, her cat Bastet, and Bernie, who runs the local paper. Will he put the clues together in time to prevent another murder?

This story was...confusing. ( Spoiler alert )

Favorite line: I do not have all the answers, but I am not afraid of the questions.

I was very "meh" about this book. Average score, and that's being generous.