Book 10, 2020

Barbie & the Beast by Linda Thomas-Sundstrom

My rating: 2 of 5 stars



I was nearly finished with the book I'd taken to work, so I brought it home on Friday and read the rest of it this evening. The book was Barbie & the Beast by Linda Thomas-Sundstrom, and it was about Barbie Bradley meeting Darin Russell. Unbeknownst to Barbie, Darin is a werewolf.

Barbie and her BFF, Angie, show up at a cemetery, having been told there's a party there where they can meet single guys. On the way, Barbie is scooped up and abducted by a large man with a sexy voice. He carries her away, much to Barbie's...delight? I don't know about you, but I'd have been screaming my head off and kicking, but I guess she thought it was simply an exuberant frat boy. Once she's returned (relatively) unscathed, Barbie and Angie agree to just go back to Barbie's apartment and eat Oreos. However, Barbie's girl parts are tingling, so she jots her phone number on a slip of paper and tosses it out of Angie's car as they're leaving.

When Darin inevitably calls, she tries to play coy at first, but then she agrees to meet him for dinner. Barbie ends up drinking too much and eating...I don't think she ate anything. Darin takes her home and pours her into bed, where the author then proceeds to devote about 20% of the book to elaborate foreplay (which goes nowhere) and Barbie's thoughts and feelings about it all.

Darin, who's on the verge of changing (and why he agreed to a date on the night of the full moon is anyone's guess) abruptly leaves, leaving Barbie confused and angry. She goes to the cemetery, where they first met, to confront him. It was about this time that I decided Barbie was so egregiously stupid that I could not believe she'd made it to adulthood. And she was a teacher! After stumbling around in the cemetery (and miraculously avoiding being murdered), Barbie sees Darin with a blonde and assumes the worst. Turns out it was his sister, but of course, we had a ways to go before he could explain and she accepted it. In the meantime, Barbie is all butt-hurt and leaves, refuses to speak to Darin, won't answer his calls, and yet is stupid enough to let Angie talk her into another boneheaded folly--this time, to go on a Dating Game of sorts at the local country club. Cue more misunderstandings, petty jealousy (Jealousy?! You only went out with him once!), a near-attack by a vampire, another trip to the cemetery, and good lord when is it going to end?

This was meant to be a lite, humorous paranormal romance, and on its surface, it was. I simply couldn't get past how dumb this woman was. Oh, but Darin made her tingle and spark and sizzle like no one else (she was a 24 year-old virgin, for the love of fudge--what did she have to compare it to?), and Barbie just couldn't stay away from him. Finally, when they got it on (in the cemetery, on the ground), the author glossed over it. Excuse me?! Aren't you the same person who wrote chapter after chapter of licking and nuzzling and touching and heavy breathing on their first date? Since I slogged all through this dreck, I should have been rewarded with a hot, explicit sex scene.

Favorite line: "Remember in those Harry Potter books when the witchy nurse at Hogwarts gave them all chocolate to ease their minds and the chocolate made them better?"

Sigh. The book was funny at times. The foreplay was hot. However, I just can't get past how naive and clueless the female lead was. Giving it two stars.